So a young lady reached out to me and asked me a question. She said “ What’s the best way to make amends, I’ve said sorry to my husband and he still seems upset. I just want him to let it go and move on”
I really wish I was able to speak with her because this type of faulty thinking will be sure to lead to a miserable marriage or divorce.
My reply to her was this: Sorry doesn’t negate ones feelings, although when meaningful it should be the springboard back to connection. I do not know the offense but that makes a difference in how quickly someone “bounces” back.
However, simply based on your statement “I just want to let it go and move on” to me speaks to why he may be having a hard time forgiving you. That statement is selfish, lacks empathy and lacks sincerity and I can imagine that is what he’s feeling.
Do you place the same amount of value on your feelings as you do his? Do you just bounce back and let things go when you are offended or have been wronged? I seriously doubt it so why would you expect him to? Is it because he’s a man and men are not suppose to feel ? This thought process is very dangerous.
I suggest you start with a sincere apology and a sincere apology starts with the 4 Rs:
Remorse: Have sincere remorse, not only say you’re sorry but be specific on WHY you’re sorry.
Responsibility: Take responsibility for the part you played in why he is feeling the way he is. Remember, your partner is not the enemy if he is hurt validate it.
Repair: Do something that will show your love for him, that will bring about connection and peace. Make it a lifestyle not just a moment.
Repeat (never): You’re human so you may mess up again but you don’t have to repeat this again, you know it hurt him so be intentional to never place this pain on him again.
POINTS TO PONDER: Have you been eager to forgive your partner as eager as you are for your partner to forgive you ? Have you given the same consideration for your partners feelings, concerns and thoughts as you want them to give you ?
LETS GROW: Rehearse the 4Rs, get them in your spirit, and remember, make it a lifestyle not a moment !
~ It’s always WE over ME ~