I remember early in my marriage Shannon would let me know that if I treated him the way I treated our sons we wouldn't be experiencing so many arguments and frustrations. See I prayed for sons and when God blessed me with them I poured everything into them, I kissed & hugged on them, I would speak life into them even tho they had no idea what I was saying,
I would rock them in my arms telling them how they would be amazing men one day treating women with respect and kindness. I'd tell them they can grow up to be anything they desired; see I spoke life into their spirit and peace into their soul. I was their covering.
But when Shannon would say, "Treat me like you treat the boys", my response to him would be, "you're a grown ass man, Im not going to baby you." Do you know every woman I have coached or talked to has had that same sentiment. Where did you get that from ? Who told you that was wise and exact, because whoever you got that from lied to you and did you a disservice.
Or maybe thats the problem, no-one told you anything. I know I was not sat down as a pre-teen-teen and told how to treat a man, and what to look for when I start dating.
So how do you live a life outside of that 73% group of those who experience some level of infidelity?
For me it began with recognizing that my sons and my husband were one in the same.
Ladies the sooner you realize that your husband still connects with his inner little boy who wants his wife’s love, comfort, nurturing, encouragement, admiration and wants to be treated like he's your superhero, the sooner you will receive the love and admiration you are seeking as well. Please remember though, as you are tapping into his little boy at the same time he wants you to respect him as a man. He wants to know that you believe in him and you trust him. The sooner you can shift your mindset to this way of thinking, doing and being, the sooner you will begin to experience a man who is hyper concerned about meeting your needs, making sure you are secure and safe, and making sure the decisions he makes are not for self gain, but are always in the best interest of the marriage and family.
Now I know some of you are saying, "well he should be doing all of that anyway," and you are absolutely correct. He should, and I give a man no excuses why he shouldn't be this wonderful man. The challenge is in him keeping up this way of being when you are constantly tearing him down, highlighting his flaws, using opportunities to critique him and not building him up, nagging and belittling. These behaviors will eventually ware a person down, even the greatest of men, and the damage that this ware down can cause?
Well no ones knows until the damage is done.
We want to encourage each of you to evaluate your ideologies about marriage. Evaluate the challenges you are facing in your marriage and how your way of being has either contributed to the build up of your husband and marriage, or contributed to the tear down of your husband and marriage. This question will not be worth a penny with a hole in it if you are not willing to be brutally honest with yourself. The revelations of your honesty does not determine your value or worth, it simply speaks to the desire in you to grow, heal, be better and do better for the greater good of your marriage, family and ultimately community.
POINTS TO PONDER:
Are you being the type of spouse that you would want to come home too?
If not then why would your spouse want to?
Are you meeting the needs or doing all you can to meet the needs that’s your spouse has highlighted as important to them ?
Only speak words that uplift, encourage, inspire.
When you feel scared, defensive or hurt, ask yourself before responding:
Is my response in the best interest of my marriage?
How can I deescalate the situation?
Are his intentions to hurt me or speak his truth?
And then respond in a mature safe manner.
Remember, Speaking to my little boy, and treating me like a little boy are two very different things.